Back on my feet again

Arthritis. It's a word you'd usually associate with the older generation. One you might link with retirement, cod liver oil tablets and stair lifts. 

But what if it's a word living along side full time employment, pregnancy, motherhood, being career driven or even a socialite? 

Having arthritis means we might have to work that little bit harder and live with chronic pain, daily.

I'm 37 years old and the prospect of joint replacements has been a harsh reality for many years. Each operation I've had has been an attempt to preserve my hips and knees from the cruel mistress that's controlling my every move in life. 

I have a condition called femoral retroversion. It means the head of my thigh bone is a dic[tator].

It dictates how long I can stand for, how I sleep, where or even how I sit, and accepting these limitations can be an uphill battle.

Sometimes it's hard to see where a condition ends and you begin; the truth is it doesn't - you just co-exist. It's been part of my life for so long now that the healthy and rebellious teenager I once was seems like a different person.

The girl who'd take her trainers on holiday for a run along the beach. Who'd be dancing on tables at 4am after too many shots, that preceded an already drunken night. The girl who planned her future, writing boys names on pencil cases [pause to cringe] and dreaming of becoming a gladiator! 

I've had 6 joint operations since 2013; each time it's taken me over 12 months to recover - just in time for the next

I've picked myself up so many times; rebuilding my muscles and my body, and I'm tired. Tired of rehab, tired of the drugs and tired of planning for a future that's forever changing.

I'm currently 3 months post op from my 'last' surgery, and it's been challenging to go through during lockdown to say the least. Physio appointments have stopped or are virtual, outpatient treatments have halted or are telephone only - and orthopaedic issues are almost impossible to diagnose or manage without that physical contact. I still have a long road ahead of me, and I've certainly not fully recovered, if that's even a thing but I'm just taking each day at a time, with some better than others. 

There's a common misconception amongst the outside world that joint preservation surgery will 'fix' the problem; my opinion at the start was no different but it does what it says on the tin - to preserve the joint. This means that it'll buy me a few more years but ultimately, I'll live with this condition for as long as I can before I can become a bionic woman.

It's also assumed that a hip operation is a joint replacement, rather than preservation of the joint, and awareness of these musculoskeletal disorders needs to change! They're a burden on our lives. A disability noose around our necks. How can we expect the support of employers, colleagues, friends or even family if no-one has the faintest idea that they exist, let alone understand them?

I need them to understand to help me along the way. It can't be ignored. It's a part of who I am.

I'm often told that I need to concentrate on myself as a person, the skills that I have or what I have to offer, rather than the negatives things, the things I can't do or am limited to; how do I do that when this has consumed most of my adult life, to the point that I don't remember a life before hospital appointments or operations anymore. 

Finding others to support you and your needs, those that pick you up when you've been knocked down time and time again, that's the key to surviving this.

Sometimes support comes from the unlikeliest of places - I found comfort from a fellow sufferer from an online support group. We quickly clicked and have been each other's go-to for advice since. To the point my husband asked me if I was planning to run away with her - we both have joint and mobility issues, we wouldn't be running very far!

She and I were struggling in various Facebook groups because members were predominately from the US. The UK and the US (and other parts of the world) have very different protocols and procedures when it comes to surgery or treatment plans; we both found it difficult to connect and relate others.

So, we decided to setup our own and now have 87 members. We both feel, if our pain and suffering help one person, it will have had some sort of meaning.

If you're interested in joining our group, please search for Hip/Knee Support & Chat (UK) in Facebook. Or alternatively you can message me privately and I'll send you the link.

We're not medical professionals, we don't claim to know it all, but we do know what it's like to suffer in silence and to feel alone in a crowded room. We will support you, just as you'll support others without even trying.

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Note: Michael Bolton - When I'm back on my feet again (yes I know!) has become my motivational song when I'm doing physio. I told you, support comes from the unlikeliest of places!